READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
