dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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