how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
