Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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