so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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