Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
