Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
well you can't waste a boner
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
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