its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
