Where is the hickey?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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