He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
So many bounce houses so little time
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
