weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
