Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
