We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
