God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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