Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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