I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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