but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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