wat bout pragnant strippers??
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
vagina is talking i cant
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
