I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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