I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
