remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
