Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
