At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
