The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
