using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
