Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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