Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
