Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
