Say something about gay babies.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
