Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
