Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
