I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
