Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
