I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
i think im in europe. pls send help
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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