As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
