Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
