covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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