I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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