College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
