I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
no. you can't hotbox the world.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
