i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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