"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
