I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
