are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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