last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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