new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
