It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
