I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Green mimosas i think yes
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
