Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
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