Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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