remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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