so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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