someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
