4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
