his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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