just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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