physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
operation harelip BJ is a go
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
