Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
