I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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