kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
