i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
