and you said cock pushups were impossible
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
