Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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