fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
