so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just threw up on my dentist
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
