at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
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he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
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I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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