I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
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My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
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Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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