if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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