Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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