I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
