Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you would pick up someone in the library
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
