I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
