sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
