The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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