I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
