im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
