dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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